The statistics around suicide in the United States are sobering. Suicide rates reached their peak in 2022, and during that year:
- Over 49,000 people died by suicide—that’s one death every 11 minutes
- 13.2 million people seriously thought about suicide
- 3.8 million people made a plan for suicide, and 1.6 million people attempted suicide
Due to stigma and fear of being judged, many people struggling with suicidal thoughts don’t talk about how they’re feeling, so they suffer in silence. And many people who wonder if someone they know is struggling feel uncomfortable bringing up the topic, so they stay silent, too.
But treating suicide like a dirty word, talking about it only in whispers or not at all, isn’t helpful. It actually makes the situation worse, further isolating people who struggle with suicidal thoughts. Addressing the issue of suicide in a caring, non-judgmental way brings it out of the shadows and is the first step toward helping people understand that there is both help and hope available.
Know the warning signs
The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) states that suicide is not a normal response to stress—in fact, it’s a sign of extreme distress. If you or someone you know is experiencing these warning signs of suicide, it’s important to get help right away.
- Talking or writing about suicide, including hints like “You’ll be better off without me”
- Withdrawing from friends or family, frequently saying or feeling things like “They just don’t understand me”
- Expressing ongoing hopelessness, sadness, rage, a desire for revenge, or feeling trapped, worthless or guilty
- Having recently experienced a painful life event such as the loss of a relationship
- Showing changes in behavior like disinterest in pleasurable activities or giving away prized possessions
- Taking actions like seeking access to a weapon, pills, or other means to harm oneself
What to do if someone you know is having suicidal thoughts or taking suicidal actions
The NIMH recommends taking these actions if someone you know seems to be experiencing this deep level of emotional pain:
- Ask them: “Are you thinking of killing yourself?” Although this question may feel uncomfortable for you to ask, it could truly help save a life. Research shows that asking this question does not increase suicidal thoughts. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s “Talk Away the Dark” campaign and #RealConvo Guide include conversation starters and other helpful resources to guide you in talking about this.
- Keep them safe. If possible, reduce their access to lethal objects or places.
- Be there emotionally. Listen to them and acknowledge their feelings. Research indicates that acknowledging and talking about suicide may reduce, not increase, suicidal thoughts.
- Connect them to help. Call, text, or chat with the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
- Stick with them. Follow up with them and stay in touch after a crisis.
If you or a loved one need help now, reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Here’s what to expect when you call, chat, or text with them. If you or a loved one are in imminent danger, call 911. Both services are available 24/7.
In addition to the main 988 lifeline, specialized support is available for veterans, members of the LGBTQIA+ community, those who speak Spanish, and those who are deaf or hard of hearing. Learn more here.
Supporting loved ones: Leading with kindness
You may feel overwhelmed or unsure about how to help a loved one after a suicide attempt. Luckily, some of the best ways of showing support are simply being there for the person and listening to them. Avoid putting pressure on yourself to solve their problems, and encourage them to seek help from professionals like counselors and/or doctors. Consider offering to be there with them when they call to make these kinds of appointments—simply having you there in those moments can help them feel supported.
It’s important to understand that having suicidal thoughts is a mental health issue. While you may feel upset by this particular problem, try to approach it like any other health issue that someone has. Be supportive and truly be there for them, and don’t avoid them or gossip about them.
If you’re feeling unsettled and unsure of how to act around or toward them, here’s a good rule of thumb: Think about how you’d treat them if they had a different kind of serious health issue, like cancer. You wouldn’t judge or ostracize someone for having cancer; you’d treat them with kindness. Do the same thing for someone who is dealing with a serious mental illness.
The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline has an excellent guide to supporting loved ones as well as, if you are an attempt survivor, supporting yourself.
Coping after a loved one attempts suicide
When you’re supporting someone you care about after their suicide attempt, it’s important to remember that you also need support.
You may feel things like anger, guilt, anxiety, or fear as you process what’s happened. These are normal reactions to have, and it’s important that you acknowledge these emotions. Feeling these ways doesn’t make you a “bad person”—it just makes you human.
Lean on your own support system of friends and family, and consider reaching out to a mental health professional for help. You can also reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline for help—in addition to offering support to those in crisis, they also help the loved ones of those in crisis.
For more information
Learn more about the risk factors of suicide as well as the factors that protect against suicide risk: https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/risk-factors/
Read or watch inspiring stories of hope and recovery from survivors: https://988lifeline.org/stories/
Watch this brief video from Health Advocate and remember that you are not alone
