The holidays are often portrayed as a time to be surrounded by family and friends, celebrating and spending time together. Even a simple question like, “What are you doing for the holidays?” can carry the assumption that everyone has somewhere to go or someone to spend the season with. But that isn’t true for everybody.
Some people have few or no close relationships. Others may be dealing with loss or life changes that make the holidays feel different than they once did. And sometimes, you can have plenty of people around you and still feel alone.
If you’re feeling lonely, you may not be able to change the whole situation, but there are ways you can care for yourself, find connection, or bring some comfort to the season. Here are a few ideas to consider—try what feels helpful to you.
If you’re missing someone, do what feels most comfortable this year. The holidays can make you miss someone you’ve lost even more, whether they passed recently or years ago. You might continue a tradition that brings you comfort, change or skip one that feels too difficult, or find a special way to remember or honor the person you miss.
If your relationships have changed, it’s okay to let the holidays change, too. Divorce, a breakup, estrangement, a move, or adult children making holiday plans of their own can leave the season looking very different than it once did. Instead of trying to recreate the past, think about what you’d like to keep, what you’re ready to let go of, or something new you might like to try.
If you’d like more people in your life, look for ways to connect. Consider making the first move by reaching out to someone you’d like to be closer to or reconnect with. You can also meet people through volunteering, classes, community events, online groups, or shared interests. Relationships often grow from small interactions over time.
If you feel lonely even around other people, do what feels comfortable in the moment. You may be at a family gathering, party, or other event and still feel out of place or alone. If there’s someone you’d like to talk with, try spending some time with them one-on-one. Or, if being there is making you feel worse, take a break or leave when you’re ready.
If you find yourself comparing your holiday to other people’s, take a step back. Social media, holiday cards, movies, and advertising can make it seem like everyone else is surrounded by family and friends and having a wonderful time. Remember that holiday-themed commercials, shows, and movies usually show an idealized version of the holidays and don’t always reflect real life. If these kinds of media upset you, consider temporarily going ad-free on streaming services and creating a collection of feel-good non-holiday shows and movies to watch throughout the season. If social media leaves you feeling worse about your own holiday, try spending less time scrolling or take a break from it for a while.
Know when to get extra support
Sometimes loneliness can feel like more than you can manage on your own. If it’s affecting your mood, sleep, daily routine, or ability to enjoy things you normally do, consider talking with a mental health professional. Having someone to talk with can provide valuable support as you work through what you’re feeling.
Be kind to yourself this season
Loneliness may not disappear because you tried a new activity, changed a tradition, or spent time with other people. That doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.
Instead of putting pressure on yourself to feel happy, notice what brings you comfort and what seems to make the loneliness harder. Give yourself permission to change plans, spend time alone when you want to, seek connection when you want it, and let your feelings change from day to day. You don’t have to make this holiday perfect. You just need to take care of yourself in the way that works for you this year.
